You see, whenever there’s a substitute driver, I end up annoyed and holding a pencil - ready to stab my eye out. But I’m a writer, so instead I stab my leg.

Take today for example…I was driving home from an appointment and passed the USPS truck on its way up my street, having already delivered to my side of the street. I pulled into the driveway and noticed my red flag still up. Figuring the USPS driver took my mail and just didn’t push the flag down far enough, I went to the mailbox to investigate.

They didn’t take my mail. Apparently, I had none to be delivered, either.

Note to driver. Red flag = I have mail for you to take as part of your job.

Today, it’s important mail that I wanted out…today. So I hop into the Relocate Claytonmobile and chase the driver down. The driver looked rather shocked and seemed to not know what to do with the mail I handed them. This scares me. It scares me because:

• I’ll never know if I embarrassed the driver enough for them to get angry and throw my mail away
• The driver looked confused when I handed them the mail and proceeded to explain that they had missed my house
• This is not the first, or second, time this has happened
• I probably got put on a government watch list for trying to get a federal employee to recognize the color red

And what’s worse…when I call the Clayton, NC USPS Post Office to talk to somebody about it, I get the following:

Four-to-five rings followed by a message that says: “Hello. Please leave your message after the beep.”

After five calls, I gave up and called the 800 number. I was told by a USPS representative at a call center that the local offices aren’t required to even HAVE messages and that most calls to local offices get re-routed to call centers.

I never could get an answer to my questions as to why they publish local numbers with no intention of answering the phone.

Ironically, the person at the call center told me that someone from the Clayton USPS center in 27520 would be calling me by the end of the next business day.

So let me get this straight…they don’t have time to TAKE my concerns at the local USPS, but they have time to call me back about them? Interesting.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a huge complainer. In fact, I’m very much a benefit-of-the-doubt kinda guy. This is the third time this summer this has happened. If someone had picked up at the local office, I probably wouldn’t even be writing this bitchy post.

I was also informed that I might not have the most correct number for the Clayton, NC USPS office. I was given another number of (919) 553-1867 to try. Instead of an answering machine, I get a busy signal.

At least one of us can see red, USPS.

Where I come from, we call this EPIC GOVERNMENT FAIL.

All leagues are co-ed and grouped in ages (4+5) and (6+7). Registrants will be contacted by mid-August by a coach to announce practices. Practices and games are on one weekday evening and on a Saturday. Pracices begin in August and games will be played in September and OCtober.

Registration forms will be available during the listed registrations dates and can be picked up at the Clayton, NC Parks and Recreation office, the Clayton Center, and Hocutt-Ellington library.

Brothers and sisters in the same age group, who live in the same house will be placed on the same team. Requests for neighbors, friends and relatives to be placed on the same team (for carpooling, etc.) cannot be accommodated.

If your child hasn’t played with the Clayton, NC Parks and Rec Dept., you’ll need a valid birth certificate and proof of medical insurance.

For more information, call (919) 553-1550 or visit www.townofclaytonnc.org

Clayton, NC residents: $20

People living outside of Clayton, in Johnston County: $55 (yes, $55….can you say gouged???)

It was one year ago today that the Relocate Clayton staff (formerly known as the Oppressed Yankee staff) packed up their stuff and relocated to Clayton, NC in Johnston County.

In fact, one year ago today (or maybe it was tomorrow) we had snow. Remember that? The staff at Relocate Clayton is no longer strangers to phrases like ‘wintry mix’ and the sensationalist news-hype that drives fear into the hearts and minds of North Carolinians.

But I digress. It has been a great year. North Carolina IS a great state and Clayton/Johnston County is THE place to be. I know people who are looking forward to moving here, but are having trouble because the real estate market is a mess in the northeast. If timing is everything, then Relocate Clayton has it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the South is the new North.

In case you were wondering where Relocate Clayton is headquartered, we’re in the Clayton Pointe subdivision. I call it many other things though, like the Yankee Relocation Camp, Witness Protection and others. At least we have good neighbors to keep us company.

Drop us a line at Relocate Clayton and let us know what you want to see on the blog. Business profiles? Real estate? Politics? Ok, maybe not politics unless I’m making fun of a politician. Celebrity gossip? In fact, Tom Cruise sat down with the Relocate Clayton team a few days ago to discuss his ‘area’.

Events get postponed and rescheduled, so be sure to contact the venue to be sure the time and date are correct.

If you have a venue in Johnston County and want your events posted on Relocate Clayton, send all the info you have about the events to relocateclayton@gmail.com. Our staff will do their best to get your events posted as soon as possible.

Friday, January 11
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: T. Rox & The Skankosaurs (Ska)
THE CLAYTON CENTER, 111 E Second Street, 553-1737: Flying Karamazov Brothers

Saturday, January 12
CLAYTON, NC HISTORICAL ASSOCIATION, Library, 553-5334: General Membership Meeting
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Maria Rolls and the Blues Train (Blues)

Tuesday, January 15
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Open Mic hosted by Tracy Wiebeck

Friday, January 18
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Great Big Gone (rootsy Americana)

Saturday, January 19
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Full Moon Pie (Americana/rock)

Tuesday, January 22
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Open Mic hosted by Tracy Wiebeck

Thursday, January 24
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Karaoke with KJ Ray 8:30 pm

Saturday, January 26
THE CLAYTON CENTER, 111 E Second Street: A Night at the Oasis (Clayton Parks & Recreation) 553-1555
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Valentino & the Piedmont Sheiks (Blues)

Sunday, January 27
THE CLAYTON CENTER, 111 E Second Street, 553-1737: Eileen Ivers & Immigrant Soul

Tuesday, January 29
THE FLIPSIDE 408 E Second Street, 553-0123: Open Mic hosted by Tracy Wiebeck

Events get postponed and rescheduled, so be sure to contact the venue to be sure the time and date are correct.

If you have a venue in Johnston County and want your events posted on Relocate Clayton, send all the info you have about the events to relocateclayton@gmail.com. Our staff will do their best to get your events posted as soon as possible.

Average Income in Clayton, NC
Median for all male full-time $35,857
Median for all female full-time $26,384

Education in Clayton, NC
Less than 9th grade 8%
9th to 12th grade, no diploma 9%
High school graduate 29%
Some college, no degree 24%
Associate’s degree 7%
Bachelor’s degree 17%
Graduate degree 6%

Marital Status in Clayton, NC
Never married 22%
Currently married 58%
Separated 2%
Widowed 8%
Divorced 10%

Race Breakdown in Clayton, NC
White 72%
Black or African American 20%
Asian 1%
Other 7%

Clayton, NC Commuter Statistics
Carpool 10.7%
Public transportation 0.2%
Average travel time 33 minutes

“Data provided by SimplyHired.com, a search engine for Johnston County jobs.”

“Data provided by SimplyHired.com, a search engine for Johnston County jobs.”

Mr. Todd Johnson will be giving a presentation that focuses on “Rediscovering the Riches of Clayton, NC.” Johnson will also talk about the new web page being launched by the library.

Parts of the presentation will focus on the 1909 Handbook of Clayton and Vicinity, as well as the collections of Virginia Satterfield, Horne, Hocutt-Ellington, Cooper School and Charles Barden.

For members of the Clayton, NC Historical Association and those who wish to join, the Association will hold a general membership meeting immediately after the presentation.

No RSVP Needed.
Feel free to contact (919) 553-5334 or
claytonNChistory@gmail.com with questions

Hocutt-Ellington Library

100 S Church Street

Downtown Historical Clayton, NC